Learning what turns you on
You might think that kinky sex is for people with voracious sexual appetites and the average person will be perfectly happy with normal or ‘vanilla’ sex throughout their adult lives. They might be, but if you are in a long term relationship, it’s important to explore your sexualities together to keep your sex life fresh. One way of exploring your sexuality is to discover your kink – your preferred fetish.
Why is it important to keep your sex life fresh?
Aside from the fact that even an average shag still feels pretty good, the body releases oxytocin upon orgasm and it is this that helps create the intimacy and emotional bonds a couple needs to last the distance. When a couple has sex less frequently or stops all together, that closeness is hard to regain and they may find themselves being more hostile towards each other and less forgiving, driving even more of a wedge between them outside of the bedroom.
Five tips to help you discover your kink
Use your imagination and practice! However, if you need a little inspiration to help start you off, we’ve put together five tips to help you explore your sexual desires and have fun in finding new things to turn you on.
- Play fighting – OK so we’re not suggesting actual violence but a bit of rough and tumble gets the heart racing and makes you realise how strong your partner is which is kind of hot in itself. This can lead on to a little casual restraint with handcuffs or body tape, spanking or a controlled choking fantasy if you decide to take a darker route. Check out our blog on safety first in the bedroom for some safety tips.
- Role play – you might feel a bit silly to begin with but stick with it. Dressing up and getting into character helps build up anticipation and helps bring back those feelings of excitement you get when you have sex with someone new for the first time. You can explore all kinds of scenarios and play with balance of power and control such as sexy secretary and the boss or using your body to get out of a parking ticket or being rescued from a house fire. The great thing about role play is you can start the scenario out in public and bring it back to the bedroom or start with sexting and then meet at a hotel or back at home. The possibilities are endless and when daily life is grinding you down, it’s very attractive to be someone else for a few hours.
- Watch porn together – on most websites you can filter videos by category such as big tits, girl-on-girl or anal and it’s a safe way to raise a subject of something new and if your partner would like to give it a go. Alternatively, you might find that actually, you’re into voyeurism and ‘spying’ on your partner when they are masturbating is a huge turn on.
- Outdoor sex – we’re not suggesting you take up dogging (unless you decide you like that) but pulling might up in a quiet spot and giving your partner oral sex sat in the driver’s seat is not only an incredible turn on because it’s spontaneous but the risk of being caught is lower than doing it in a public toilet or park yet you’ll maybe get the same thrill or grow in confidence to build up to have sex in places where it’s more touch and go that you’ll get caught. Just remember it’s not against the law to have sex in public, it’s against the law to get caught!
- Witholding and delay – finding what turns you on doesn’t always have to include as much effort as all of the above, particularly if you’re not flush for cash for bedroom accessories, don’t have the time to spend hours building up to hot sex or your partner needs a little time to think about your ideas. It doesn’t even have to include any kind of fantasy element! By stopping part way through sex and making your partner beg for you to continue, you’re indulging in a little power play that could lead on to learning more about BDSM. Maybe you’ll like watching your partner beg for pleasure or being denied your orgasm. Either way, it’s a well-known fact that a little delay can intensify orgasm. Everybody wins!
Sex with a loving and trusting partner is amazing and if you’re both into it, you can have so much fun and grow even closer as a couple. We hope the advice in this article will help you to discover your kink and take your sex life to another level. Check out the rest of the website for more inspiration and facts about sex.